I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
