just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
