Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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