your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
