Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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