I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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