oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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