I think my fart just growled at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She announced her abortion via fbk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
