You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
