you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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