I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
