I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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