my mouth tastes like poor choices
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
