peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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