omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
