her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i drank out of a bidet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
