We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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