I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
