I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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