Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
