You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
