I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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