Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My pussy is not your playground.
this just has baby written all over it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
