i think my tv is drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.