he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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