i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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