just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
