His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
