R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
