Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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