That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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