If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
