shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
