I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
