I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
