No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
