Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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