p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize