I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
