i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You ruined the universe
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
