Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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