where am i from again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
