I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
