$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
