Yo dont text me then not text me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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