with your own penis?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
3pm strippers are depressing
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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