evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
