So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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