whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
