We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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