after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
