She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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