i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
