my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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