They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
