So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
