Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
