i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
