I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
