I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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