i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
