so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
