from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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