Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
