i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
