apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
