whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
