Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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