Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
